After the bloodbaths during the reign of the two preceding emperors, Tiberius and Caligula, who were both assassinated, there was one man left standing in the imperial family -- 50 year-old Claudius. Being crippled and having a speech impediment, Claudius wasn't seen as a particular political threat, thus he was spared. So, in 41 AD the armed imperial bodyguards known as the Pretorian Guard proclaimed Claudius emperor. And, turns out, although lacking in political experience, Claudius became a competent administrator and leader, building roads, aqueducts and canals throughout the Empire and officiating at many public law courts. He also was a complete eccentric, which makes for lively reading. How lively? Below are quotes from Suetonius along with my brief comments:
"His mother, Antonia, frequently called him "an abortion of a man, that had been only begun, but never finished, by nature." And when she would upbraid any one with dullness, she said, "He was a greater fool than her son, Claudius." His sister, Livilla, upon hearing that he was about to be created emperor, openly and loudly expressed her indignation that the Roman people should experience a fate so severe and so much below their grandeur." ---------- This inclusion by Suetonius underscores how the Greco-Roman world put great value on physical appearance and bodily harmony. I mean, even to be slandered by your own mother and sister. Good grief.
"He exhibited a strange inconsistency of temper, being at one time circumspect and sagacious, at another inconsiderate and rash, and sometimes frivolous, and like one out of his mind. . . . A woman refusing to acknowledge her own son, and there being no clear proof on either side, he obliged her to confess the truth, by ordering her to marry the young man. . . . On proclamation of a man's being convicted of forgery, and that he ought to have his hand cut off, he insisted that an executioner should be immediately sent for, with a Spanish sword and a block." ---------- A true eccentric! Marrying a mother to her son and enjoying watching a man's hand cut off. Thank goodness there has been some progress in law courts in most countries in the past 2000 years.
"Having, amidst great applause, spared a gladiator, on the intercession of his four sons, he sent a billet immediately round the theater, to remind the people, "how much it behooved them to get children, since they had before them an example how useful they had been in procuring favor and security for a gladiator." ---------- Such a great reason for having children: they can plead for your life in front of the emperor!
"He likewise frequently celebrated the Circensian games in the Vatican sometimes exhibiting a hunt of wild beasts, after every five courses. He embellished the Circus Maximus with marble barriers, and gilded goals, which before were of common stone and wood, and assigned proper places for the senators, who were used to sit promiscuously with the other spectators." ---------- Here is an emperor who knows the way to win over the hearts and minds of the Roman people and senators: lots of spectacular displays of exotic animals being killed and a much improved view of chariot races, an event even surpassing gladiators in entertainment value.
My personal favorite of eccentricities of Claudius is him stating: "As I have been so unhappy in my marriages , I am resolved to continue in future unmarried; and if I should not, I give you leave to stab me." He was, however, unable to persist in this resolution; for he began immediately to think of another wife." ---------- Come on, Claudius, such a quick switch. Make up your mind! Do you want to be married or remain a bachelor?
"It is said, too, that he intended to publish an edict, "allowing to all people the liberty of giving vent at table to any distension occasioned by flatulence," upon hearing of a person whose modesty, when under restraint, had nearly cost him his life." ---------- Thanks, Claudius. Just what people need: a proclamation giving them permission to fart after eating.
"He would match others with the beasts, upon slight or sudden occasions; as, for instance, the carpenters and their assistants, and people of that sort, if a machine, or any piece of work in which they had been employed about the theater did not answer the purpose for which it had been intended." ----------- Throwing workmen to the lions if their craftsmanship isn't perfect. Now that's extreme. Unfortunately for Claudius, his wife also wanted to get in on the fun. She poisoned her husband so her sweetheart of a son could take over as emperor. But not that much fun for the Romans - her son was Nero.
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