Big Red Nose by Barry Yourgrau

What's the world coming to when a big nose clown becomes the target for police gunfire? Such is the state of affairs in the home of the free, a land, so it is thought, where every single problem can be solved by guns.

I recall some years back, an architect telling me he saw a clown arguing with a cop over a parking ticket out on a street one night. Very funny.

I also recall Kierkegaard's story of a clown coming out on stage to tell everyone in the house the theater was on fire. The crowd remained in their seats and laughed like crazy.

At least in Barry Yourgrau's story, a lone character escapes up into the clouds. That's something! However, it's not a Hollywood ending because - fanfare with trumpets - he doesn't have a gun.

BIG RED NOSE
Police surround a house. A dog runs out and they open fire. The dog keeps running, pink tongue flapping, black and white tail bobbling, until it's out of sight down the street. The cops reload, shrouded in gunsmoke.

The front door bursts open and a clown rushes out: big red nose, bag pants, a rubber-bulb noisemaker squawking insanely in his hand. A hailstorm of gunfire catapults the clown straight up in the air and down on his back, vaudeville-style.

Suddenly shots ring from the house. The whole scene erupts in gunplay. An upstairs window explodes and a lifesized dummy crudely handmade, comes sailing out. Bullets tear it to bits before it hits the ground.

Flames shoot up from the roof. A fire engine shrieks and clangs. A bullhorn bellows. A laundry truck comes roaring down the street, guns blazing from every window. The cops fire and scatter. The truck leaps the curb and crashes into the side of the house, smashing a gaping hole in the wall. The occupants stumble out and are nailed by a spotlight in the sudden darkness. They gasp and stagger about, hands in the air. Up above the fray, a yellow ladder sticks out of the chimney, slanted at the moon. A lone figure, wounded, drags himself up the rungs.

*Note - Big Red Nose is one of the many stories in Barry Yourgrau's collection, A Man Jumps Out of an Airplane


Author Barry Yourgrau, born 1949