The Life of the Party by Fernando Sorrentino
There
they are, Graciela and Arthur, such a charming couple - bright, young,
elegant and, most especially, great conversationalists. Thus, hardly
surprising, they receive invitations left and right from all the right
people since, after all, they are always...breezy cocktail music playing
in the background...the life of the party.
Oh, yes, once at a
party, as if a pair of powerful social magnets, Graciela is surrounded
by the gentlemen, Arthur by the ladies. However, there is never any
jealousy or distrust between them since they both know no man is worthy
of Graciela except Arthur; no woman is worthy of Arthur except Graciela.
But, here's the thing, as Arthur tells us (yes, our handsome,
dashing Arthur is the tale's narrator) - both he and his beautiful
Graciela detest social life. The mere mention of social gatherings or
parties strike them both as revolting. And things like dances, loud
music, frivolity, small talk and forced smiles? Abysmal, disgusting,
positively nauseating.
What's to be done? Both Garciela and
Arthur lack the willpower to ever say 'no' to an invitation. The couple
feel so helpless, so powerless, so fragile. And to think they're both
shy, contemplative individuals given to silence and solitude.
But
then Arthur and Garciela come up with a plan. As Arthur tells us, the
plan contains elements of potential danger and he and Garciela had to
work out all the details so as to leave no room for improvisation. The
plan involves inviting a couple among the "right people" over to their
apartment for dinner.
The target for their plan: a Mr. &
Mrs. Vitaver. As Arthur relates in detail, Mr. Vitaver puts on airs of
being a respectable gentleman but scratch the surface and you have a
semi-illiterate lout completely devoid of culture, refinement and taste;
a man who's a disgusting swindler, a cur, a lowlife that makes his
money by publishing pornography. As for Mrs. Vitaver (in truth, not a
wife but Vitaver's concubine), under her jewels and expensive dresses,
she's nothing more than a pompous, repugnant bag of scum.
Arthur
relates their plan in action. Actually, the more we listen as Arthur
proudly recounts the evening's events, it becomes clear he and the
beautiful Graciela have resorted to viciousness and are not beyond
sadism in their quest to be freed up from all the party invitations. So
vicious and so sadistic (thanks, Fernando!), this short-story is one of
the most hilarious tales you'll ever read. I lost count how many times I
laughed out loud - and the good news is the story can be read by
clicking on the link below. Enjoy!
Link to read The Life of the Party in its entirety: http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-sto...
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