The Short-Story Writers by Moacyr Scliar

 


 Oh, how I LOVE the stories of Brazilian author Moacyr Scliar. One of my very favorites - The Short-Story Writers, a novella displaying the author's vivid, colorful, fiesta fantastic imagination. Here's a series of snippets:

THE SHORT-STORY WRITERS
I caught sight of short-story writer Lucio, who wrote only after going through a meticulous ritual: he closed the windows, lit candles, put on a tuxedo, then sat down at a jacaranda table made in Bahia. I caught sight of short-story writer Armado, who always wrote with a fountain pen. I caught sight of short-story writer Celomar, who went to the seaside to write; and of short-story writer Guerra, who went to the mountains. I caught sight of short-story writer Jeronimo, who wrote first the end, then the beginning, then the middle.

I caught sight of short-story writer Volmir. Whenever short-story writer Volmir wanted to write, he would closet himself in his study for two or more days. When he reappeared, he was changed but happy. He would invite his wife and daughters into his study, where they would stand around the desk upon which lay the typed pages held together with a brand-new paper clip. Full of jubilant respect, they would stare at the short-story for several minutes. "What's the title?" the wife would ask, and when the short-story writer disclosed it, they would hug one another, overcome with joy.

Short-story writer Murtinho organized the production of his short stories in accordance with the assembly-line principles: outlines in the top drawer, half-finished short stories in the second drawer, finished short stories in the third drawer.

Short-story writer Manduca, quite soused, hugs me whimpering: "I can only write under the influence of bennies and lately they haven't had any effect . . . I've been taking the weirdest things, I've even tried deodorant . . . "

"I'm writing a short story called 'The Short-Story Writers.' I'll keep in mind what you've told me."

Short-story writer Katz selected ten famous short-story writers. From each one he picked five short stories at random. He found out the average number of words in each sentence, the words most frequently used, and other such parameters. With the data collected, he composed a short story - which he considered perfect. Not everybody shared his opinion.

Short-story writer Almeirindo insisted that his book be printed in lower-case letters only and in very fine print. It's going to be rather hard to read, warned the owner of the print shop. It doesn't matter, said short-story writer Almeirindo, I'm paying, I can have the book printed any way I want. In sharp contrast with him, short-story writer Cabrao had written an entire chapter in which each word took up a full page.

Short-story writer Almar misplaced the last page of his short story "The Glory." He spent two days rummaging the house in search of it. Suddenly realizing that the short story was really much better just as it was, he gave up the search.

The dream of short-story writer Reinaldo was a short story that would write itself: given the theme, or the first word at the most - all the other words would inevitably follow. The short-story writer visualized a pen set to paper, wires connected to a machine, some feedback gadget to correct possible stylistic or other deviations. Short-story writer Damasceno had in mind a multiple-choice kind of short story, written in the second-person singular: "It was a summer afternoon. You were: a) home; b) at the movies; c) in a bookstore. If (a) is true . . . " Short-story writer Auro was thinking of impregnating the pages of his books with hallucinogenic substances. By licking the paper, the reader would have erratic visions.

There is some information available on a mysterious tribe of storytellers in Central Asia, who used to roam from region to region to tell their stories. Nobody knows anything concrete about those mysterious storytellers, who allegedly were decimated by hostile peoples. . . . Masterpieces of the short story can be found in the Bible . . . The Persian storytellers believed that certain seeds sown on a night of full moon would bring forth trees that yielded hallow fruit, inside which were very brief short stories with one, or at the most, two characters each . . . Storyteller Scheherazade told the sultan more than a thousand stories, thereby ensuring her survival.

In his first book, short-story writer Hebel depicted Nazi Germany accurately and he did it again in his second and third book. Uneasy, people would wonder; When will he stop depicting Nazi Germany so accurately?

Hatred inspired short-story writer Jose Homero; after being evicted from his apartment, he wrote a bitter short story about tenancy. The landlord oppresses the tenant, takes away his money, his furniture, his wife. The oppressed tenant ends up machine-gunning the oppressor. A poignant sentence describes the lease agreement lying on the floor splattered with blood. At the end of the story, the tenant opens the window, and sees the rising sun heralding a new day.

To satirize his enemies, short-story writer Catarino depicted them as animals. When he ran out of well-known animals, he resorted to the exotic fauna - the ornithorhynchus, the koala; to prehistoric creatures - the brontosaur, the dinosaur; and to mythological animals - the unicorn. In an index as thick as a phone book he listed the names of his enemies and their corresponding animals.

Short-story writer Otaviano wrote his short stories in public toilets, where they appeared in the form of graffiti on the walls. Whenever he was in the middle of a short story, someone would invariably start knocking on the door, asking him to hurry up; short-story writer Otaviano was then forced to finish the story in another stall. Fragments of his short stories are to be found scattered throughout the public toilets of the city.

Short-story writer Pascoal threw a party at his house; he invited his friends, secretly taped their conversations, then used actual quotes to write a short story. He showed it to his friends, who weren't amused. "What's the world coming to," wondered Pascoal, anguished, "when people don't like what they say?"

Short-story writer Caio can produce one short story every two hours. Knowing that 50 percent of these short stories are bad, 25 percent are so-so, and 25 percent are good, how many short stories can short-story writer Caio produce in one day, and how many of them will be good, how many so-so, and how many bad? Answer: Short-story writer Caio can produce twelve short stories per day, six of which are bad, three so-so, and three (hurray!) good. But there are complications: Short-story writer Caio had to find time to eat, sleep and attend to other practicalities. Rats!

Short-story writer Valfredo, a taxi driver, installed a tape recorder in his taxi. While driving, he would dictate short stories. Some of the passengers wer frightened and wanted to get out of the car; others listened with interest, and some even made suggestions. "Make the woman kill the son!" Short-story writer Valfredo had problems of his own, too. A rival short-story writer, a traffic cop, fined him several times for driving recklessly. As a matter of fact, short-story writer Valfredo had been involved in accidents but according to him, they were caused by the car itself (brakes in poor condition) rather than by literature. Whatever the reason, the insurance agents wouldn't have anything to do with him and it was only through sheer perseverance that short-story writer Valfredo kept writing.

Short-story writer Matias, not knowing what to write about, produced a story consisting of incoherent sentences. It was rejected by all publishers. "It's stream of consciousness," Matias would say, indignant. "Why is Joyce's stream of consciousness considered good, but mine isn't? What's the difference? Is it because I'm Brazilian?

At the age of eight, short-story writer Miguel wrote about nymphomaniacs. Short-story writer Rosenberg gave his sentences a special cadence, reminiscent of waltzes or tangos, as the case may be. Short-story writer Augusto, very involved in political concerns went to a students' convention, where he watched the young people and took notes. The students, suspecting his motives, beat him up.

Short-story writer Vasco would take words from Guimaraes Rosa's work and reshape them. Critic Valdo uncovered the following about short-story writer Marco: all his characters always had five-letter names, the second letter was always A, the last one always O, with the stress falling on the first syllable: Marco Tarso, Lauro.

Short-story writer Paulo wrote only in the morning, when he merely transcribed the dreams of the night before.

Short-story writer Antonio has native Indian blood. He wrote tragicomic stories about the aborigines. A tribal chief came to see him: "Why do you ridicule us? Haven't we had enough suffering already? Isn't it enough that our lands have been taken away from us? That we are stricken with tuberculosis? Did you still feel the need to make everybody laugh at us?" The tribal chief misunderstood my work, said short-story writer Antonio, chagrined. The Indians I talk about are not real, they are the Indians we have inside us. In our hearts we all wear ornamental feathers and G-strings.

Short-story writer Ramon wrote a series of stories about an imaginary country in Central American, called Cuenca. It had a dictator, large feudal landowners, a rising middle class, a national liberation front who members were arrested and tortured. Short-story writer Ramon, who lived in the United States, succeeded in having his book published. It sold well. A crafty entrepreneur made a bundle by raising money for Ciuencan refugees.

Short-story writer Romulo satirized his hometown in his writing. A mayor once kicked him out of town, but his successor requested that the writer return and then awarded him the Medal of Tourist Merit.

Short-story writer Humberto, an algebra teacher, conceived the short story as a mathematical model.

Short-story writer Ramiao transcribed his own extrasensorial experiences.

Short-story writer John Sullivan wrote a series of stories published under the title 1997, After the Atomic War. One hundred copies were placed in a radiation-proof shelter.

Short-story writer Ramses said that there was more to a short-story than just words; it should include evidence of the circumstances under which it had been generated. To his book he affixed bus tickets of the buses in which he had shaped his short stories while traveling; movie tickets; bits and pieces of clothes; and even scraps of food.

"I'm a wretched tailor," said short-story writer Newton, "but in my short stories I destroy villages and towns."

Short-story writer Sidney never used swear words in his short stories. He was afraid he might offend his aunt, an old nun.

I've been thinking a great deal about the meaning of my short stories," wrote elderly short-story writer Douglas in his journal, a notebook bound in leather. He always kept it under his pillow; if he were to die in his sleep, it wouldn't be hard for someone to find it and have it published.

Every short story is a plea for help, short-story writer Nicolau used to say. A resident of Green Island, he would stuff the most anguished of his short stories into bottles, which he would then hurl into the river. "Maybe the fisherman will understand me, he would say to his wife.

Short-story writer Olivio considered the possibility of writing short-stories in the form of crossword puzzles.

Short-story writer Benjamin, a civil servant, would report on a file of papers in a case by writing a short story: "A Mr. Juan urgently requests the overdue payments for the year 1965. I can imagine Mr. Juan in his small wooden house . . . " He was severely admonished by his boss, also a short-story writer, who however, never fiddled away the hours when at work.

The inventive short-story writer Jane was contemplating the possibility of transmitting her short stories via the telephone: "Hello! I'm short-story writer Jane. I'm now going to read you one of my short stories."

Short-story writer Reginaldo had an inspiration: He would write his short story in the form of an epitaph. He started to scrutinize his friends, trying to detect in them signs of some series disease.

Short-story writer Misael intended to write brief short stories in smoke up in the sky, using a squadron of airplanes for the purpose.

Seeing that her book Efflorescence wasn't selling, short-story writer Barbara had a boy steal it from the bookstores for a sum of money. Over forty copies where stolen in a month and Efflorescence became third on the Best Sellers List.

Short-story writer Pedroso introduced the notion of efficiency into his literary production. His short stories were systematically rejected by newspapers and magazines; so, he had Leviathan published at his own expense and then hired the services of a specialized firm to conduct a public opinion poll. "How much has Leviathan changed your life?" was one of the questions posed to groups A, B, and C, to both men and women, to both blacks and whites. He intended to prove that his short stories were effective and their editors had a grudge against him. Unfortunately, the results of the poll were inconclusive.

Short-story writer Luis Ernesto would mimeography his short stories, which he would then hand out at the gates of soccer stadiums.

Short -story writer Mucio painted short stories on Chinese vases.

Short-story writer Teodoro had his youngest son write a lead children's TV program requesting information on short-story writer Teodoro and the short-stories he had written.

Short-story writer Sezefredo lifted the prescription pad of his friend, a doctor, then he forged a certificate stating that he suffered from an incurable disease. With this piece of paper in hand, he went from editor to editor, trying to get his book published: it's my last wish, he would say.

Short-story writer Rafael began to give out free copies of his book to the schools; and he awarded scholarships to any student who learned his book by heart.