Mission London by Alek Popov

 


Here comes the Bulgarian brigade!

Mission London by Alek Popov - I can almost hear John Cleese announcing "And now for something completely different." Or, in Bulgarian, "А сега нещо съвсем различно."

Alek Popov has written a very funny novel, On every page there are lines that go for the jocular jugular, Bulgarian style. Special thanks to Daniella and Charles Gill de Mayol de Lupe for their translating into fluid, eminently readable English.

The humor of Mission London spans the gamut, from subtle or somewhat subtle to over-the-top outrageous. I can imagine readers from Bulgaria detecting shades of humor unique to their country and culture, but the English translation captures enough humor to make for a most enjoyable, entertaining read.

How to review such a comic, farcical novel? Rather than zeroing in on plot (every reader deserves to encounter the happenings fresh), I thought it best to present snapshots of several colorful players. Here goes -



"The water gushed from all directions like a waterfall, and a feeling of satisfaction and calm suffused the Mayor's soul. "Lalaa-lala-lala-lalaaa!" he continued his little singsong, while thoroughly soaping his short hair."

The Mayor of Provadia is taking a shower in one of the small apartments intended for guests in the Bulgarian embassy on Oxford Street. When the new Bulgarian Ambassador arrives unexpectedly early at this pigsty of an apartment, and the cook (more below) introduces his new boss, the beefy Mayor steps out of the shower and into the hall. The Mayor booms in a loud voice, "Brilliant! Congratulations!"

The way the Mayor is described with his huge, hairy, potbellied body, I can imagine many Bulgarians recognizing a keen likeness to an uncle, father, brother . . . or, maybe, a husband.



“As he made his way down the stairs, Varadin Dimitrov was imagining the dispirited faces of his underlings and a smile slid across his face. Let them wait, let them tremble! He found no cause to doubt what he had always known: he had in front of him a gang of good-for-nothings, parasites living on the back of the state.”

New Ambassador Dimitrov intends a massive shakeup of his Embassy. However, Dimitrov discovers very quickly, events can turn against him in the most unexpected ways. It's no wonder Dimitrov must resort to his much used counting technique in order to slow is heart-rate and calm his nerves. Oh, Dimitrov! If only you knew what you were walking into.



“Mrs. Pezanova frantically aimed to join the exclusive club of the world elite, without sparing resources – above all state resources. She dreamed of seeing herself amongst the shinny entourage of celebrities, who filled the chronicles of those fat western publications. In this unequal battle for prestige, Devorina Pezantova had stubborn ubiquitous opponents – her own compatriots, who inhabited the hopeless space between hunger and darkness."

Devorina is the wife of an influential Bulgarian politician and is largely responsible for Varadin Dimitrov securing his position as the new Ambassador. Now, she demands payback, phoning Dimitrov to ask when exactly she will be giving her piano concert for British royalty, including the Queen. Following a large gulp, Dimitrov tells her that he is working on it. Soon thereafter, the Ambassador meets a Brit who informs him that he knows people at his agency who can actually make it happen. Now the real fun begins.



“Kosta emptied the contents of the bag onto the long metal table. Around ten well-fed ducks fell out of it. Their necks were broken, twisted without pity. He noticed, on the leg of each one of them, a small silver ring.”

Kosta, the cook for the Bulgarian embassy, is in his kitchen shortly after midnight, strong-armed into dealing with a couple of shady characters, one from Bulgaria and the other from Russia. Hey, what's with the sliver rings on the ducks? Might these duck have anything to do with the ducks discovered missing from Richmond Park? If so, somebody is in a heap of trouble. Oh, no! A possible Bulgarian boondoggle.



“To grind around the pole and discard bits of her outfit was not a big deal. It was easier than hanging around behind the counter of some shop for hours or washing dishes, and most importantly, it was more profitable. Lots of students were doing it. Katya had expenses to cover: she had to pay the huge university tuition fees and to send her parents money from time to time.”

Coincidentally, luscious Katya also works as a cleaning lady at the Bulgarian embassy. And when she's given a chance to do something a little strange to make a great deal of money in a short time – well, what's a Bulgarian lady to do? The presence of beautiful Katya adds a generous helping of spice to the unfolding tale.



Hail to the Queen! Varadin Dimitrov is so extremely pleased Her Majesty will be attending his Bulgarian extravaganza. But, wait! Is that really the Queen of England?

Mission London was made into a movie that became one of the top box office hits in Bulgaria. Read the novel and the reasons will become obvious. Наслади се!

By the way, several, but not all, of the pics I included here are from the comic film.


Bulgarian novelist Alek Popov, 1966-2024